If you’re a leader of men and women looking for an easy way to improve your skills, examine your non-verbal communication. Elevating your body language can change the way your group responds to you and positively impact team performance.
My 9th grader just completed his first start as his JV high school football team’s QB. His team was trounced to the tune of 40-0. Chase was sacked no fewer than 8 times. He scrambled for his life on nearly every other pass play. This was your classic ass whipping from every vantage point.
I care minimally about the final score or even his performance. Instead, I watched how he got up after being hit and his response on the sidelines. I watched as he limped around, appearing weakened and tired. I also watched him finish with his head held up high.
My eyes weren’t the only ones trained on him; his teammates watched him for their cues. If you wear number 12, you sign up for that level of scrutiny. You are the leader by default, like it or not. Tom Brady is usually composed, but has come unglued at times. When he has, he understands it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
I think I have to do a better job with my body language. I definitely can improve that. I wouldn’t say it’s a real strong point of mine right now. We’ll just try to keep doing better. That’s what we’ve got to do.
Thanks, Tom. I’ll use this quote again when I post on accountability.
Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist and professor at Harvard Business and suggests:
“Certain “power poses” don’t just change how others perceive you, Professor Cuddy says. They immediately change your body chemistry. And these changes affect the way you do your job and interact with other people.”
The best leaders model behavior. They walk the walk. If it were as easy as following a script, any literate man or woman could be Martin Luther King Jr. His words were powerful, but his actions and non-verbal communication moved mountains. Take a look at this photo:
I don’t need to hear this man speak. Simply by looking at him, I care what he has to say. I inherently want to follow him. His cause becomes our cause, and I’m inspired to work for it. I can’t imagine him dragging his tail, even in the most dire straits. Biased? Absolutely. He’s my hero.
I had a minor league manager in 1997 that carried himself with superlative power, Dwight Lowry.
Dwight wore the strong, calm exterior that you see in this picture. Whether we were up ten runs or down ten runs, he was unflappable and perpetually approachable. Our club respected his consistent strength throughout the season. Once in a while, he’d display angry flames, but the fire always seemed within his command. I never once saw him hang his head after a tough loss. I aimed to emulate Dwight.
That’s not to say you cannot win with less than ideal countenance and posture. Eli Manning has won titles with questionable body language. Jay Cutler has won many games while appearing genuinely uninterested. I reckon these are outliers. Take a look at this man:
I feel sympathy for him, but a man completely dejected by his current circumstances does not sharpen me. Rather, I’m questioning his capability to bounce back on the next play. I’m looking to my teammate and gauging his mental toughness at all times.
There is certainly something endearing about vulnerability. Sharing imperfections allows others to feel safe with us. However, giving the impression that we are licked is a bad strategy when others depend on us for guidance. We want to know that when our leaders fail, they will quickly be back on the horse. We want to trust them. We want them to be strong where we are weak.
We are all human beings capable of being beaten down by the game, the business or life. Displaying genuine courage in those times inspires others to do the same and invigorates us at the same time.
Strong mind,
Kap
It’s tough to watch our kids get beat down and knocked around physically or mentally. When our daughters high school football team gets beat down she comes home down and disappointed. I told her to make sure you stick around after the game and show the team you guys support them no matter if it’s a win or a beat down. I’ve told her before to learn from your previous loss, mishap, issue, problem, mistake, victory, or success and prepare for the next. Thanks Kap for this post.
It’s going to be a good day!!!
Sure is, brother. See you tomorrow.
Wow.
In the business world I’ve noticed that bad management styles are mimicked and for some reason good styles are more often than not ignored. I think the bad ones seem to demonstrate authority and others mimic in order to show the same authority. Conversely, good styles are somehow perceived as weakness (choosing an option to direct authority to complete missions).
Juxtapose your post with my statement and you can understand why so many get stuck in the middle and why a few rise to the top. Anyone in any job (sports, business, teaching, etc…) could benefit by mimicking the behaviors discussed in this post. This topic is by no means new to me, but a refresher is always beneficial.
Keep sharing, Ed. Always appreciated.
After reading just the headline, I said to myself if there is not a mention of Eli and Cutler, I will never read another post.
I will be back
I trust that. Thank you.
Great post. Keep up good work
On it. Thanks.
I’m not yelling! That’s just the way I talk!
http://t.fod4.com/t/0f345a78d5/c640x360_44.jpg
~Al~
Haha. Yell if you like, brother.
Tremendous post! You sighted some great examples of how body language conveys specific messages to those around you. Your football examples were great (Eli is a great example) and as I read them I can think of examples in other sports where a player have up and even though he didn’t say anything verbally, his body said it all (one example that comes to mind is former pitcher Kenny Rogers when he played for the Yankees).
Good luck to Chase and his team for their next game. Cheering from New Jersey
-Kelebek
Grateful for your comments daily.
Grateful for finding this blog love!
I don’t know if you’ve had the chance to visit the MLK memorial in DC, but if you haven’t, do so.
The first time I walked through the memorial our group of young people were caught in a torrential down pour with the rest of the tourists. Everyone went running except for myself and a handful of kids. We walked through the rain and read MLK’s lesser known quotes inscribed on the walls. A total blast. Thanks for bringing back the positive memory.
Thanks for this Gabe. I just read this to my 14 yr old son who is also playing quarterback for his school team. We shared a good moment together.
Thanks
Mike Dieguez
Great article Kap.
-Alex
I was a management/customer service consultant for the Army in a former life. A large portion of my time was spent teaching technically knowledgable people the basics of managing people. Companies have the idea that if you have done a job longer then anyone else in the building, you must be able to manage the people doing that job. The first thing I teach them is how to look and be seen as the person in charge, this starts with how you carry yourself. Our children are not learning this in the same way we did. With so much of our communication being electronic, our young people are not learning these skills that we picked up naturally, growing up. Great article! I will be sharing this with my 8th grader. On a side note, some of our favorite baseball players through the years were not chosen because of skill, it was because they carried themselves in a way that inspired their teammates, fans and other staff. Attitude can most definitely win or lose a game, and make or break any relationship or partnership. Body language speaks so much louder then our words.