When I decided to begin an open thread and invite your questions, I anticipated that there would be some challenging ones. I knew I’d have some that would require research and a few that simply didn’t have enough couth to address. I also figured there were inevitably going to be questions that would allow me to impact another in a difficult situation. Here’s one of those questions, from Ray:
You always describe your ex Lisa as your best friend. Were you guys friends before marriage and decided it didn’t work? And remained friends? Or is it a matter of the mother of your children and you will always love her?
Going through a rough patch with my wife Lisa and wondering how to make it work one way or another for us and our 4 year old and 1 year old.
I’m excited to tackle this one. I want there to be an additional perspective, so I’m inviting in my ex, the aforementioned Lisa, to chime in as well.
Ray,
Rough patches are inevitable when you have little tykes. They require an exorbitant amount of energy, and sometimes the lack of emotional bandwidth can limit your capability to connect with your partner. The result can be finger pointing. Assessing blame is a fool’s exercise. Instead, focus your available attention on awareness.
Lisa:
Do what you can to the best of your ability to make it work- be flexible, understanding & kind. Be an example that family is family no matter the label & that once you love someone, the dynamic may change, but that love remains, especially enough to take care of and continue to respect the other person.
Lisa being a great mother to my children adds to my love for her, but it’s not the reason we are tight. I genuinely like her, in addition to loving her. She’s bright, caring, passionate, and the best nurturer I’ve ever encountered. Our divorce didn’t change any of those facts. We remained tight for all the same reasons we were linked when we were married.
I’d say we’re friends post divorce because we respect, value and love each other & are making the mature decision to put our kids first. I think we both like each other & spending time together is natural.
Without knowing much about your situation, brother, I’d say go easy on yourself. Folks grow apart for different reasons. Try not to fight it, if possible. Ask that your wife accept your position and be certain to accept hers.
If you’ve been following the blog, you know I preach no rules. This certainly applies to relationships. Make it yours.
Kap
My question – what does the Kapler household pass out on Halloween? I’m looking for suggestions that won’t get us egged.
We don’t live in a neighborhood, so I have yet to see a trick-or-treater. That said, if they do show up, I always have multiple copies of the movie Halloween on VHS tapes. I know that kids a) will have no idea who Mike Myers was and b) won’t have a a VCR to find out. They end up playing street hockey with the rectangular plastic, exercising in the process, and we all win.
Kap, what are your thoughts on smokeless tobacco and it’s prominence in MLB? With Tony Gwynn and Curt Schilling in the news recently it’s getting out there to the masses the dangers of its use. My guess is you’re totally against it, but seeing as you played pro baseball for so long and it’s so prevalent in the game, I was interested in your thoughts on it. Do you feel MLB should ban the use of smokeless tobacco during games or do you feel it’s a choice the players should be free to make? Thanks.
I like the idea of a ban on smokeless tobacco during games. Ballplayers are big boys. They can make it through three hours. My take is not nearly as much about the well being of the men on the field, it’s more about the boys and girls watching. I often preach leadership through modeling. No bigger application.
Finally, Mike L wants to know:
What kind of organic coffee do you purchase?
I like variety when it comes to my coffee (black), but I’m a happy man while sipping a brew made from a darker bean. Chocolate tones delight me, as do hints of caramel. I’m heading to Nicaragua with my young men in December; I’ll be sure to bring back a report.
Thanks for all the questions so far. You know what to do with the comments.
Michelle says
I don’t know what to do with the comments here. I don’t have an ex-wife, I’m always on the road during Halloween, I don’t have experience with tobacco and I have enough energy without strong coffee that to have a sip might blow me up.
But I comment nonetheless. Always enjoy reading you.
Gabe Kapler says
And I always appreciate hearing from you.
Matthew D. says
I’m sure you’ve written this–at least indirectly–but, what made you decide to do this blog. For many it’s about money on advertising money, for some it’s horn tooting, and for some it’s getting fame. I don’t see ads, don’t hear any horn tooting, and I’ve known who you were since you were playing for the Suns. So, what inspired you to do this? I want details man.
Gabe Kapler says
Pretty simple, Matthew. Wanted a place to share thoughts and life experience. So I created one. Here we are.
Kap
thomasconvery says
Really liked todays post.
Gabe Kapler says
Thanks, Thomas.
Ray says
Thanks for everything Kap. If we can’t make it work, we are making a definite effort to do the best we can for the kids. We will both have a role in their lives and I feel the same way about my Lisa as you do yours. We have grown apart but still love each other for multiple reasons. As always this blog is the best, all aspects of life are covered and you are great for interacting with your readers.
Gabe Kapler says
Much appreciated, Ray.
Dave says
You eve
Dave says
R try grass fed butter in coffee? Love it
Gabe Kapler says
No sir, Dave. Glad you enjoy.
Kap
J.D says
I run 3 miles almost daily at a light pace on a treadmill. I choose the treadmill because it is simpler than running elsewhere, and I can watch tv meanwhile. I do it daily because, knowing myself, I would stop doing it if I did it less often. I imagine a lot of folks have a similar workout routine. Any thoughts on whether this type of running will do knee damage, or can we all sleep easy and continue on with our treadmill approach?
Gabe Kapler says
Let me think this through, JD. If you don’t hear from me, feel free to touch base as a reminder.
Richie Ernst says
Great post Mr. K-Swiss!
Gabe Kapler says
Ha. Thanks, Richie.
kbeyazdancer says
I nearly spit out my water when I read that you are going to give out copies of Halloween to trick or treaters if you get any (I would imagine that some parents would be pissed). That was pretty funny. Kids in my neighborhood knew that my parents didn’t give out candy because they didn’t encourage us to eat it. But for those unfortunate souls who did knock on the door, they received 10 pennies (You could still get something with that back in the 80s) and a No.2 pencil.
But on a serious note, I really dug what you and Lisa wrote about your current relationship. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us.
-Kelebek
Gabe Kapler says
Appreciate it, Kelebek.
Duane says
Truly love the Q&A. I’m in the same boat as Michelle not much to comment on the Q&A however I have a quick Halloween tale.
Our first Halloween in our current neighborhood our home was egged. I found it about 4am when I was going out to run. I canceled my run cleaned everything up and put my USMC flag up all before the sun was up. I had a feeling who the young people were and knew about the time that they would come back to admire their handy work. I stood on my walkway next to the gently waving flag and gave them a stare that let them know ” this house is now off limits”. Been egg free for well over a decade. Amazing what a flag can do!
Have an outstanding weekend KLSF!
Gabe Kapler says
Quality story, Duane. Thanks.
Duane says
It’s alls good my brotha. 🙂
Terry says
How integral are adding sprints to the 5×5 program? Can I shed fat by nutrition and weights alone?
Kyle G. says
I am definitely liking these open threads in addition to your post. Keep it up Kap
Max Goldstein says
Hey Gabe,
Just wondering what you were consuming pre-workout?
Also I was in Nicaragua recently, so if you need some suggestions on some adventures, I’d love to chime in.
Go Sox,
Max
Jordan Slade says
Hey Kap I am currently in the midst of making some lifestyle changes mainly because I got tired of feeling like a slob. At the college I’m attending we use a meal plan which I love for conveience but I find it hard to eat clean as it basically has a cafeteria food feel to me. And as a student I am known to enjoy the odd cocktail once in a while. So my question is do you have tips for me on eating clean and making better choices in my after hours beverage choices.
Thank you sir, I’m a big fan of yours.
Jordan Slade (@sladerade12)