When Kaplifestyle’s editor, Stephanie, and I discovered our summer intern, Peter, we had no idea we’d be adding such tremendous value. Sure, we knew he could grab coffee (kidding, we’re not even in the same city), but we had no idea he’d be writing guest posts and bringing consistent energy. He works his ass off and does so with a smile. Perhaps it’s because he’s studying how to do precisely that. Riff on it, Peter.
Complain less and live happier.
I am finishing up a class, the Science of Happiness, at Santa Clara University for my minor. While you may ridicule the title, similar classes are being offered at Harvard (Positive Psychology) and are among the most popular and intellectually stimulating classes they offer. The community calf challenge inspired me to offer up another push for everyone.
Back in 2006, a man named Will Bowen began a campaign for a complaint free world. His idea is growing and more and more people are catching on to this concept. Here’s how he describes his book:
Complaining is focusing on what we don’t want…It’s talking about what’s wrong, and what we focus our attention on expands. So we want to help people eradicate complaining from their lives.
Studies have shown that for habits to start forming it takes approximately 21 consecutive days. The goal here is to have a new communication habit of no complaining in 21 days. I’ve been tracking my complaints by shifting a wrist band to the other wrist every time I catch myself complaining.
It’s important to consider what a complaint is. “Wow, I am so tired, and have so much homework, why would my professor ever do that to me?” is a complaint. However, if you were at a restaurant and ordered a bowl of chicken noodle soup, asking the waiter to re-heat the soup because it was cold is completely fine. Noting an issue and asking the appropriate person to fix it and help you out is different from complaining with no solution in sight. There is a very clear distinction between those two, and I have already begun to note it my journal about that.
I started my 21-day challenge on September 25th and have already learned a lot about others and myself. While this is personal challenge, there are guidelines you should be aware of 
prior to venturing out on this quest. Do not be a complaint cop and point out everyone’s complaints. That’s just annoying. If you do hear someone complaining, really sit back and try to figure what may be causing it. You may learn and benefit from a simple evaluation.
You may be asking yourself what the point is. The major by-product of not complaining is happiness. I don’t think I am re-inventing the wheel when I say that complaining is a serious factor affecting moods and happiness in all people.
One of the most rewarding parts for me has been writing in my journal every night about my complaints. Through my writing, I note and accept my mistakes, but also consider the reasons why other people are complaining, so that I can learn from others. I like the personal evaluation I have given myself, and I have learned a lot about when others tend to complain.
The bottom line is this: we are all incredibly busy with our lives every day and are constantly trying to find that “peace” everyone talks about. You won’t find it by accident. Dealing positively with life’s circumstances may benefit you in your pursuit of happiness.
So far, out of the 5 days that I have done, I have had only one complaint free day. On that day, I journaled about others complaining a lot. It has been a fascinating experience thus far, and I hope others possibly find an interest.
Who’s joining me?
Im in.tall task we live to complain .cuz we are so spoiled in America.
Love it, Darby. Thanks for the continual support and great thoughts everyday!
Really good stuff. The guest blogger spot in this year’s rotation has been Kershaw-like. Well, actually better after each one’s last outing.
Gavin, I could not agree more. The rotation has been A+! Have a great day.
-Peter
I’m on board. I really think some of my family complaints wear me down to the point of crankiness. I will try a 21 day non-complaining ritual and see if things will change. Thanks again for setting things in motion.
That is awesome, Laura. Can’t wait to hear how it goes. It for sure is a challenge just like anything else you try for the first time. It will be a rewarding process.
-Peter
I really enjoy your posts Peter. You are very mature. Having gone through my share of interns in my labs, I will say that Kap hit the intern lottery with you.
I did not join the calf challenge (I happen to like my calves alot, but several of my students did) but I will do this one and I will invite some of my dance students to try it with me. I am forwarding them this post so that they can read about it for themselves. It might seem irrelevant, but being a scientist and professional dancer full time can leave me exhausted at times. It’s so easy to slip into a negative mood but it’s even harder to snap out of it and as you can imagine, no one wants to see a cranky Belly dancer!
So I’m in love! Let’s do this!
-Kelebek
Kelebek, you are absolutely right. Being part of this team has been awesome and you are a huge part of the Kaplifestyle family. Can’t wait to hear how it goes and have a great rest of the weekend!
-Peter
Thank you darling! I’ve got one other person to join me already 🙂
Try to get to your point a little quicker next time.
Just kidding, nice post.
I like to substitute humor for complaints till people start complaining
Love it, Kevin.
-Peter
Tremendous post Peter. As a philosophy major, I am lucky in a sense to take some of those positive psychology related classes.
I related well with your beloved wristband because I actually wear a rubberband and snap myself whenever I have a negative thought…not to ‘hurt’ myself but just to bring the thought into full awareness.
What we focus on does indeed expand and shows that we truly do create our own lives.
Isn’t it fulfilling when we see our thoughts and visions manifest?
Ah, being alive is special.
#ThoughtsBecomeThings
#MassUp
Steve, you make some great points! Have a great Sunday.
-Peter
This post is too long (not a complaint, just an observation)
Kidding.
I’m a fan of variety so good job with the guest posts.
Thanks, Michelle.
Michelle – your posts crack me up every time! HA!
Great post! We know that misery loves company, and in this new world where we are so much more connected, it can spread rapidly. I try to focus on the positive side of everything-it’s really wonderful when there is simply no time left for the negative stuff! Plus, it’s free, and has no calories!
Bill, you are absolutely right. It is awesome having you be part of this Kaplifestyle family.
-Peter
I’m fully supportive Peter, but I’m not so sure that complaining always makes people unhappy. I have some friends who, I genuinely believe, are at their happiest when they’re complaining. I think there are some people who get off on it.
Great post, Peter! I put it on Facebook and had Aiden read it.
Well done Peter. Perspective changes everything. And it turns a complaint into a statement that I could fix as opposed to feel worse about it. Thanks again.
-John