Conquering the work we most despise may be difficult, but provides the opportunity for fulfilling rewards.
My younger son, Dane, is struggling in his Algebra class. He is a hell of a math student, but hates it with a passion. Last night in the car, he said, “Dad, when I sit down to do my algebra work, I have a hard time breathing and my skin gets hot.”
Ouch. This cut me to the core, mainly because I know the feeling. It breaks my heart that he’s experiencing that. I wish I could remove that pain for him or tell him that he can drop algebra, but, of course, I cannot. Instead, I broke it down like this. “Deuce, that’s part of life. We often have to do shit we hate doing. In the end, it’s these tasks that provide the greatest compensation.”
This lesson doesn’t stop in middle school. We are constantly tasked with learning, adjusting or mastering new material. Because our worlds are ever-changing, we must stay flexible and adapt. I often feel this way when I’m playing with a new device like a smartphone or introducing a new application. It’s painful for me as I learn how to use the fresh technology efficiently. Trial and error can be a bitch. From theemotionmachine.com:
In many ways, trial-and-error is the only form of learning we really have. When we make an error, or fail at something, we give ourselves an opportunity to analyze that failure, make a change, and then try again. This process repeated over time is the only real, effective way we have to learn more about our world and solve problems in our life. It’s the engine of science. And it’s also the engine of self-improvement.
It’s more than a scientific approach, though. It’s really the willingness to create systems to manage the things we hate working on the most. As we tackle more challenges, we learn our own personal styles. I have to break these tasks up into tiny pieces.
Writing falls into this area for me. While I love to write, the process does not come easily. Sometimes I reach into my pockets for something to write about and pull out lint. When I finally decide on a topic, I often have poorly flowing thoughts. At that point, I try to get something, anything down. Even if it’s just a sentence or two, I have taken the first step. Then, I stroll away from my computer and come back an hour or so later to take a peek. I may have to do this several times before my flow is trustworthy, but I know I’ll eventually have a piece I’m proud of. I’ve seen this process take days, but when all words fit comfortably and the product is complete, I feel full. It was worth the hot flashes. I overcame the anguish and produced a noble essay or document.
Like the muscle we build under a bar in a squat rack, the mental strength we develop through completing our most challenging work is dependable in future endeavors. From German philosopher Albert Schweitzer:
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
And just as there is always heavier weight to lift to test our newly acquired power, there will always be a more challenging task to work on.
Ain’t life great?
Kap
gunther says
hey kap — 5×5 questions for you ..
do you ever wear a weight belt? which deadlift grip do you prefer?
thanks so much for everything you do here .. read you every single day
Matt P says
Gunther,
Here is the answer to your first question: https://kaplifestyle.com/2014/03/avoid-weight-lifting-belts
gunther says
appreciate that matt!
that was EXACTLY the position i thought he would take on the use of a weight belt .. the only one that makes logical sense.
Gabe Kapler says
My man. Thanks.
Bryan says
After re-reading that post, there is a reference stating that the improper use of a belt can be of a concern. The proper use of the belt was never really outlined. I believe it to be more of a tactile tool than anything for support. Lightly tightening the belt, as opposed to the more commonplace practice of constriction, is preferred to give your core muscles feedback when they engage to keep us upright. We don’t need the belt there, but if we lack the ability to know when our core is active, the belt can be used to provide instant feedback to know we are applying appropriate pressure against it. If we use the belt because we have problems with our back, then we need to reevaluate the exercises we are doing and make sure that we aren’t injured, that we are doing the proper rehab to deter those ailments, and that we are using proper technique when performing the given movements. Like stated in the article, they aren’t to be used as a crutch.
Gabe Kapler says
I see Matt took care of you, brother. Thanks for the kind words.
Zach says
Kap, have you read The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle? Similar to the passage you pulled, it’s about how making mistakes and pushing through them via deep practice is the ultimate way to learn. I would recommend it to any reader of this blog!
Thanks for the great posts
Gabe Kapler says
Read parts. Loved what I got through.
Kelebek Beyaz says
First-tell your little guy he’s not alone. Math can be very daunting for people the first time. My demon as I saw it was trigonometry. I used to get anxiety before I picked my pencil and got to work. It all takes time. Giving up isn’t an option. Tell your little man not to be strong.
Second-tell him not to be afraid to ask for help. That is something that gets missed when people talk about trial and error. Sometimes you make the same error over and over and with a little assistance, you can overcome your challenge. Admitting failure is not a bad thing.
-Kelebek
Gabe Kapler says
Dig, Kelebek.
Hollie Hamilton says
Kap you are in my head, I had to kill a baseball blog post, because it just didn’t come together. Thanks for talking about writing, I now have reached in my pocket and got something good for my blog. Thanks 🙂
Gabe Kapler says
Thank you, HH.
bill says
Kap, one of your best posts ever. Especially important today for our kids. So much of what they do has been made very easy by all of the wonderful technology, but some of the old fashioned lessons never change. And you’re right-often the greatest benefit comes from mastering the process, not the final achievement. Discovering those talents within and what they make you capable of, make you stronger, more confident, and willing to take on seemingly impossible endeavors. One of the reasons I love working with kids-they have no idea what they are capable of!
Gabe Kapler says
Always appreciate your comments, Bill.
Kyle G says
Kap I can so easily relate! I am an Applied Mathematics major, I am good at math, which is why I am majoring in it. Sometimes I just hate it with a passion and people look at me as I am struggling with Calc 3 and ask why do you do it if you hate it so much? It’s just the feeling of finally getting something as confusing as Calc 3 that makes it worth it. Sounds kinda nerdy but just “winning” at it makes it worth while.
Great post Kap, thanks.
Gabe Kapler says
Love that, Kyle.
Pedro says
You made it through Calc 2! Calc 3 is a cakewalk after that! You got this no sweat…until your differential equations courses. Good luck! The reward of finally knowing the material in those courses is an amazing feeling
Kyle G says
Pedro thank you for your comment. I’m doing fine in Calc 3 just been having a bad couple weeks and school just made it worse. Also, I have Differential Equations next semester in the spring on top of baseball so the good luck will be much needed and is much appreciated.
John Beavers says
My biggest obstacle is my fight with PTSD from when I got stabbed. I’m good for several weeks then something will trigger a memory and I’ll have a bad week or so. The only thing that gets me through the bad times is my family and exercise.
I’d really enjoy hearing your thoughts on the subject.
Take care all.
-Beav
Peter Summerville says
Beav,
That is powerful stuff. I appreciate you bringing your story to the community today.
All the best.
-Peter
Gabe Kapler says
Powerful is you taking ownership, Peter. Thank you.
Gabe Kapler says
Appreciate your take, Beav.