One of the most important skills we can develop as professionals is the ability to network. It is a skill I didn’t appropriately value until late in my career. When I had an opportunity to share my thoughts on the subject with my sons, I leapt at the opportunity.
My older son, Chase, told me he couldn’t lift yesterday after school because he didn’t have access to his high school’s weight room facility. I hated to hear that. It’s hard enough to get a 15 year old young man to commit to his training program. Provide an easy out and he just might take it.
During breakfast, we (by we, I mean I) sat down to solve the problem. Certainly, a quick phone call to the athletic director of the school to request that he help my son would have worked. Instead, I elected a much more difficult, but more rewarding and instructive, path.
“Chase, why don’t you reach out to your strength coach and ask about gaining access to the workout facility?”
“He won’t know”
I followed up with question after question about who he could talk to and how and got similar pushback each time. Finally, I asked him to get his computer and bring it to the kitchen table. Together, we crafted an email to his athletic director. This process was uncomfortable for Chase, and he openly conveyed that sentiment. He asked why to every line I suggested.
I encourage that behavior. I never want him to take action without a reason. If he doesn’t initially have one, I expect that he ask for it. He knows that.
Eventually, we got through the email. He was frustrated and upset, but we made it.
After that email was off, I sent another one to Chase with some lessons from the interaction. I copied my other son on the note. Here is what I sent:
Chase,
I’m sorry this morning was frustrating for you. Rest assured, I have your best interests in my heart at all times. 22 is copied on this note because the information contained will be valuable for him, too.
Developing a strong network of contacts is valuable in business – and your life is a business. My goal is to help you learn to develop mutually beneficial working arrangements. Networking is about making connections and building enduring relationships.
Why is this so important? Relationships are the catalyst for success. People do business with those they like and trust. Serve as a resource, help others succeed. To succeed you must continually connect with new people, cultivate emerging relationships and leverage your network.
Knowledge is power. When you don’t know the answer to a question, having an expansive list of who to ask is immeasurably valuable. An example from my own life:
People ask me all the time about a player’s makeup. Is that guy a winner? Do you want them in a clubhouse? Most of the time, I don’t know the player – but I know someone who does. I can find the answers through asking others. If my list isn’t exceptionally expansive, it will take me much longer to find the answers to my questions. I don’t have time to fuck around. I need to move quickly. Days are short.
I know it was difficult to write that email. Written communication via email has become critical in business in recent years. We can digest the information at an appropriate time, and then compile it with new data as it rolls in.
Correct grammar and good formatting in your emails matters. It’s very similar to manners. When the receiver of a note knows you put time, energy and care into it, they are more likely to respond affirmatively and favorably. It’s very similar saying “please” and “thank you.” The world just works better with care.
I’m fully aware that this may not resonate with you now. In fact, most of it may not ever. However, I’m confident that the right message will sink in at the right time. I’ll keep working diligently to teach you what I’ve learned. I’ll also keep my ears open for what you have to teach me.
Keep asking “why?”
I love you passionately,
Dad
I said that this post was about networking, and it is. However, there’s a larger takeaway. Resourcefulness is an attribute we should cultivate not only in our children, but in ourselves.
When Chase found the weight room locked, he had options.
- He could have immediately gone to the office and asked everyone who would talk to him for access
- He could have done a bodyweight workout outside
- He could have used the school’s phone to call me. I would have gladly gotten him a pass to work out at the gym less than a mile from our home.
I could go on and on, but this isn’t about what options he had in the moment. It’s about the default setting of mining said options instead of taking the easy way out. Like Chase, I could have taken the easy way out and fixed the issue for him. It would have undoubtedly been more pleasant than the rough conversation we had. But I chose to work with the process and model this lesson. I love Chase too much to do otherwise. Teaching our children how to be resourceful and solve issues, even when it’s tough, is unequivocally worth the effort. It’s far more valuable to them than doing the work for them.
Resourcefulness is all about execution, about finding a solution instead of giving up at the first roadblock life throws at you. Success cannot be obtained by being passive in the face of circumstances. The best ideas and intentions mean little if, at the end of the day, you don’t see them through.
Kap
bill says
An additional approach crossed my mind while reading this important post. Kids are very aware of the advances in technology. Perhaps illuminate them as to how difficult it was to network a couple of years ago. Now it is an extremely valuable and common tool. Stress what it can accomplish, how to do it well, and what a valuable skill it will be to master-one that is greatly valued in today’s world.
magoopark says
Very nice Kap. I am new to your site but enjoy reading it daily now. I have an 8 year old son and navigating parenting myself. I have been on healthy diet for a few months now and feeling great. My goal is get off all pharmaceutical meds and so far I have lowered my total cholesterol to 119 from 197 and my ratio is now 2:9, bp good 117/78 and A1C now in check too 6. I had bypass 9 years ago and ran the LA marathon 2 years after to prove to myself my heart could do it. After reading your blogs I will attempt to move away from my morning protein powder to real food. My trainer has me on a few supplements, fish oil and CLA so I’m wondering if real whole food can produce a similar effect.
Peter Summerville says
Magoopark,
First of all, welcome to Kaplifestyle! Your story is really inspirational, congratulations. In terms of your current supplementation, with fish oil and CLA, I did a little bit of research.
Most likely the reason your trainer has you taking the fish oil is for the benefit of OMEGA-3 fatty acids (fatty is a good thing here!). You can easily attain the same benefit with nearly any type of fish. I personally try to eat Salmon at least once a week along with steak and chicken, but you can also get your OMEGA-3 with other fish (herring, mackerel, etc). So maybe that could be a substitute for you.
For the CLA, I did not know what that is, but it stands for “Conjugated linoleic acid” and is used for reducing cholesterol levels, among some other things. I found that, just like the OMEGA-3, you should be able to add more beef and some dairy to your diet to satisfy the CLA supplement.
Another positive from eating whole foods, especially adding salmon and more beef to your diet will increase your protein intake, and maybe you could eliminate your morning protein powder.
Just some thoughts. Feel free to fire back!
Have a great day.
-Peter
BG says
Great job teaching your sons how to Fish for themselves,oppose to casting the net for them.
Kelly says
Kap I love this article. I have been reading following your site almost since it started and about once a week an article you write perks me up. This one in particular. I can relate to your son seeing a roadblock and using it an excuse, not even realizing how many other options are available.
I think many people forget that when life throws them an obstacle that there are so many options and we are typically very short sighted. I just had to post something to let you know that this inspired me today and I am glad you push your son into difficult situations and to expand and grow himself.
Steve says
Kap, you’re a pretty cool dad.
I think this post is exceptional as a reminder that the constant stretching of our comfort zone is how we flourish.
An approach I like to take in reaching out to those who may seem intangible due to their job title is: What’s the worst that can happen?
Usually the worst possible thing is to hear the word “NO.” And guess what…the word “no” doesn’t cause any harm.
For example, having Kap respond to us on here or even Twitter shows that no one is impossible to get ahold of through persistence.
Peter- I bet interning for Kap was something that at first seemed surreal then slowly felt completely “normal.” (I’m a senior baseball player at U of Hawaii and I put myself in your shoes, haha)
Hope everyone has a great day!!!
#MassUp
#ThoughtsBecomeThings
Peter Summerville says
Steve,
Absolutely, it has been a great experience thus far.
Tell Jordan Richartz I say hello! I played with him for a couple summers.
All the best,
Peter
Steve says
No way! Haha, he’s been my roommate the last two years. I will tell him you say hello.
Take care.
lien says
Kap, your sons are very lucky to have a dad like you to guide them. To be able to ask ‘why’ shows that you are curious and this curiosity to me is so important for for personal growth. Lots of people don’t like to answer to the ‘why’ question but for those who do i really appreciate. I also like ‘ It’s very similar saying “please” and “thank you.” The world just works better with care.’ :-). Thanks for sharing and best regards.