Involving kids in the duties of cooking and cleaning empowers them and builds confidence. From centerforparentingeducation.com:
Even though it is more difficult at the time to persist in having children do chores, research indicates that those children who do have a set of chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better able to deal with frustration and delay gratification, all of which contribute to greater success in school. Furthermore, research by Marty Rossman* shows that involving children in household tasks at an early age can have a positive impact later in life. In fact, says Rossman, “the best predictor of young adults’ success in their mid-20’s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four.”
3, 4…13, 15, what’s the difference?
Before we left on our trip to Mammoth, I called my older son Chase’s friend Tyler into the kitchen in our home. I knew he was an aspiring chef with some refined culinary skills.
“Tyler,” I said. “I have a half a cow in that freezer outside. Go grab us some flesh for our trip.”
Tyler took the directive and ran with it. He remerged with a variety of cuts, as well as ground beef and organ meats.
“We can mix the organ meats in with the ground beef. It will give us a bit of a gamey flavor.”
Wow. This young man (14) doesn’t fuck around.
When we arrived at the grocery store to do our shopping, Tyler grabbed the tomatoes, avocados and onions, eagerly delivering them to the shopping cart. He was immersed in the entire process.
We arrived at the condo in a blizzard-ish storm after a strong Mexican meal. Settled, we discussed the week to come. I called a meeting in the living room after building a fire.
“Men, we are going to do this together. We will be teammates this week in cooking and in the cleaning of this unit.”
I received little pushback. My mates were in…for the moment.
We woke up this morning bright eyed and bushy tailed, sans Chase. He had a bit more trouble getting out of bed. For that reason, he drew cleanup duty. Dane set the table, Tyler fried bacon, I made eggs and potatoes. Needless to say, Chase was disturbed at the end of breakfast when the crew was waiting on him to clean the kitchen. Despite his unhappiness, he proceeded with his tasks. Regardless, I would have insisted, given the long term benefit for him.
Doing chores willingly requires mature judgment, less impulsivity and more awareness of others’ perspectives and needs. Children are not born with these traits; they develop gradually as children grow and mature. Part of your job as parents is to socialize your children during the 18 or 20 years that they live with you by helping them to develop these mature qualities. Therefore, it should not be a surprise, and perhaps you should accept and expect, that they resist helping at home.
Often times, it’s easier to not involve our teenagers in our processes at home. The management energy spend can outweigh simply doing the job yourself. As with every calculus, carefully considering the upfront investment against the ultimate goal of healthy, well-adjusted children is a prudent, worthwhile exercise.
I may be singing a different tune on day #7.
Kap
I don’t have kids, but I ran small retail operations for about 40 years so….One of my fundamental principles, was if it’s important enough to have them do a job, it’s important enough to explain to them the value in doing it, how to do it properly, and to check their work and give them feedback. Gives you a good opportunity to praise them, and give them a sense of ownership. Never too small a chore that you can’t take pride in it. When you’ve got a group to deal with, make sure you don’t leave anyone out.
You are doing the right thing. All kids should have chores regardless of their age. I grew up with a Chore chart in my house that rotated every so often. No one was immune from the chores. We used to have a family meeting to discuss the chore rotation and what consequences were for not doing chores. I learned a lot of valuable lessons. All of my siblings who have children also have chore charts as well. My lab has one too so each member is expected to do their part in keeping things clean every week. It’s become routine so there is no grumbling.
-Enjoy your trip
Kelebek