Reaching Out

When someone in your life is facing a difficult situation, don’t wait for the “right moment” before reaching out with support. From Dr. Karin L. Smithson:

We pull back because we “don’t want to bother” someone who is struggling. Let me debunk that myth: Your friend needs to hear from you. If you stop connecting, that communicates that their situation is unimportant. They will remember.

I was recently alerted that one of my close friends has a son fighting a serious illness. I care deeply for this man. My knee jerk reaction was to stand down and leave him alone. I prefer to deal with difficult times by myself. Sometimes we unintentionally, but unreasonably, assume that others share our paradigm. We make decisions accordingly, without doing the homework. This is somewhat forgivable in day-to-day interactions, but under conditions like these, doing research is a necessity.

Finding the right words at the right time is not the goal. Momentarily stepping into another man or woman’s shoes is all it takes. Being derailed by personal uneasiness may lead to a missed opportunity to provide an important time of peace, a healthy diversion or simple comfort.

While they may not have the time for one-on-one conversations, they will find great comfort in the middle of the night as they lie awake in the hospital checking messages — reminding them that they are not alone (because they feel like it).

This morning, my older son and I performed our 5 x 5 workout in the dark. As the sun came up, we talked about watches. He wanted to know what my favorite materials were. Did I like titanium? He shared that he appreciated leather bands. We trained, bonded, chatted, then hopped in the car to get him ready for school. As we drove, we discussed my close friend and what he must be dealing with. In that moment, we both tried to feel his fear. Our father-son interaction gifted us valuable perspective.

That was a necessary exercise. We are able to better empathize after having our talk. When I speak to my friend, he will know that I care, even if my words are not perfect, which they are certain to not be.

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to share this process. Frankly, I wonder if someone out there may be deciding whether or not to call, text, email, whatever. Even if it’s uncomfortable, express yourself. It’s the strong move.

Kap