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First Impressions

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Who cares what they think of you? Don’t try to impress.

Bullshit. Making a strong first impression in business and in life matters.

In elementary school, I bleached my hair and pierced my ears in four different places. As a teenager and into my early twenties, I rocked the biggest, baggiest clothes I could find, which quickly shifted to the tightest clothes possible when I discovered I had muscles. I added tattoos yearly into my early thirties. All of these decisions were natural forms of expression for a young man, and all of them had consequences, both positive and negative.

My style during all of these phases reflected my attitude. In my adolescence, I had a “fuck authority” approach. Perhaps that came from my father, who spray painted political messages on freeway overpasses when I was a boy. As I matured, I became more cognizant of providing a firm, warm handshake, looking folks in the eyes and trying to engage fully. From entrepreneur.com:

Either consciously or unconsciously, we make judgments about the professionalism, character and competence of others based on first impressions. Just as you evaluate potential business partners, employees and personal acquaintances on your first-time encounter with them, others will judge you and your business by how you conduct yourself.

I don’t believe that we should mask our personal style strictly to conform to a nebulous societal expectation. Nor do I think we should alter our behavior to suit another’s desires or biases. I do, however, believe we should be cognizant of how our energy is being felt by others. We should make our choices while considering the ramifications of our presentation to the world.

I believe strongly in both authenticity and awareness. We can be true to ourselves while still understanding and respecting those around us. Through our conscious choices, we can use all the tools at our disposal to create leverage in the world, align ourselves with strong people and acquire support as we set out ambitiously to achieve our goals, both interpersonal and professional.

Whatever my style and character motives have been, I make an impression when I met people and those impressions impact how I am viewed. Those judgments are made in a split second. From humanresources.about.com:

“Whenever we have to make sense of complicated situations or deal with lots of information quickly, we bring to bear all of our beliefs, attitudes, values, experiences, education and more on the situation. Then, we thin-slice the situation to comprehend it quickly. The implications of this concept have astonishing significance for our personal reactions to most situations.”

You may remember my discussion of the impact our dress can have on our mental state. These impacts aren’t limited to ourselves. We are constantly being evaluated. There is much to be gained from considering our professionalism when meeting new people. Every interaction we have is an opportunity to make an impression.

Ultimately, we should care what others think because we don’t live in the world alone. We may, in the end, decide that conforming to a given expectation may compromise our integrity, but acting like or purposely not caring is irresponsible and shortsighted. Strong character begets further strong character.

Stay true to yourself, but stay aware of your surroundings,

Kap

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  • http://www.Kelebekfusion.com Kelebek Beyaz

    As I have said before-I love your honesty. This is an excellent post. I’m going to turn into my mother for a second and say that I don’t think the younger generation understands how important first impressions really are. I see it time and time again when I’m conducting interviews. As someone with tattoos and piercings of my own, I don’t judge candidates on that (it’s their brain and common sense I care about in the lab as well as professionalism). But you should always try look and conduct yourself in a professional manner. And yes that can be done without compromising on who you are. Ahh-ok I’m done.
    You can make a good first impression without compromising your character. Now what happens after first impressions is completely different.
    -Kelebek

  • Steve

    This post hit every aspect. Love it.

    Given the energy conscious person I am, I can’t agree more with “feeling” the vibes someone gives off. We are wired to sense things that put us in danger, such as someone who may be smiling and seems nice, yet we sense they want to take advantage of us….hence the fakeness of those mall kiosk people who try to force lotion on your face. I get it though, they need to sell stuff and make money, but I think my point is clear.

    #massUP

    #ThoughtsBecomeThings

  • Hollie Hamilton

    Wow, I totally get what you are talking about. Recently I wanted purple hair, but with my kids autism diagnosis, there were times I still needed to be professional (meeting with school and doctors) so I now have hair the color of eggplant, black when I’m indoor but outside and club lights pick up the purple hues. So I get my personality but still can easily be professional.

  • Davin

    Excellent post. I think you hit the nail on the head on this one, Kap. Whether we are sacrificing important aspects of ourselves or our character by ‘conforming’ to societal guidelines or expectations - it’s something I’ve internally debated. It takes strong character to present ourselves to the world consistently and not compromise our integrity, yet still respect the importance of how others perceive us. I find it a difficult balance to strike and a constant work in progress. Thanks for this.

  • Paul

    No doubt, there’s a reason for the saying, “You only get/have one chance to make a first impression”.
    Kap hit on it perfectly here.

  • Msquared

    Great food for thought… I often struggle with confirming versus keeping my individualism.
    It’s important to weigh out the situation and the circumstance.

  • bill

    Interesting topic, and as usual, Kap’s thoughtful approach covers all the bases. As a bit older reader, ‘first impressions’ used to be a much simpler equation. You could tell everything about a person based on their accent, tattoo’s, clean shaven, length of hair (anything longer than a crew cut), bell-bottoms, an earring…you get the picture. We’ve certainly come a long way in learning what a wonderful thing diversity is. Depending on what you are trying to communicate, you do need to be aware of the message you’re sending. One thing that hasn’t changed, is simply how you treat and interact with your fellow human beings. Respect, consideration, listening will always play an important role in the first impression you choose to create.