We don’t have to stand in another’s shoes to provide insight. Being equipped to relate through personal experience isn’t a prerequisite to offer counsel or guidance. Rather, assisting in another’s human development is about interest and care.
A few days back, I received this message from a Dallas-based reader:
I seek your opinion on my particular situation. I understand completely if you can’t respond to all of your blog readers individually, but I thought I would send this out anyway. I am well overweight (I am 42, and weighed 326 lbs at 5’ 11” five weeks ago) and have been gaining since my college weight of 190. I have tried and had temporary success with a couple of diet approaches to weight loss and have lost the weight twice. However, at the end of each I always felt weak and inevitably put the weight back on. The result is my body fat % is very poor at over 50%, according to my Fit Bit scale. Worse yet, within the last year I found myself thinking in terms of just accepting that I’m going to be fat the rest of my life…….I’m getting off track… I wanted to write you to see if you had any advice specifically for individuals in my situation. I’ve searched some of the blog and received some good input on focusing on the process (Baseball is Life 10/19/14). That really is excellent and fits me.
Immediately, I think about energy, movement and the law of inertia. We get in motion and we tend to stay in motion. Physics are not unique to you and I or anyone.
Our reader may be fighting hormonal issues that I’m not dealing with. From authoritynutrition.com:
…the behavior, increased food intake and decreased exercise, is secondary to changes in the function of hormones (1). It turns out that there are well defined biological mechanisms that can explain how the foods we eat disrupt the function our our hormones, which makes us eat more and gain weight (2).
At the surface level, I have never seen the world through this reader’s lenses. I acknowledge that genetically, we are not terribly alike. I can’t offer advice based on personal experience. However, he and I share the commonality of having started a journey with quite some distance to travel. Years ago in Spring Training in Port Charlotte, Florida, I set out to learn to play the bass guitar. At the time, acquiring this skill seemed fairly overwhelming, but like our Dallas reader, I wanted the end result. Obviously, I grabbed my laptop, found a teacher and was off to the races.
This isn’t a particularly apt analogy. I wasn’t in a state of despair prior. Our reader had reached a point of dire straits. The bass and his thought that he might accept the fact that he’d be “fat for the rest my life” are not terribly similar, but there are basic principles that apply. Get moving, take a step, and create energy. Among baseball’s most antiquated principles is the idea that a good hitting or pitching coach must have been a professional player. This is utter BS. Player development is human development. If you can sharpen men, you can sharpen professional baseball players. See Belichick, Bill.
Additionally, I’m passionate about health, training, etc., so even though I can’t relate exactly, I will reach into my bag and offer up a few thoughts.
Right about now, our reader doesn’t care about our similarities or differences. He wants action steps. We’re aligned. I want to provide them. I have only three, and despite my inability to relate directly, I believe with every cell in my body that these are the only necessary adjustments. The ripple effect of the energy and movement coupled with the tangibility of step two will change this reader’s life.
- First move, awareness. Carrying excess body fat doesn’t inherently say something negative about a human.
- Cut out processed foods. “A study published in Nutrition Journal looked at the impact the Western diet and lifestyle has on people’s immune function. It found that the large number of calories in processed and fast food may lead to health problems such as increased inflammation, reduced control of infection, increased rates of cancer, and increased risk for allergic and auto-inflammatory disease.” Being ill doesn’t provide an optimal environment to reach fitness goals. Processed foods are keeping America fat.
- Third move, awareness. Notice the tiny body adaptations. A muscle here, a belt size there. The incremental changes over time will lead to a different being, but it won’t happen tomorrow. Derive confidence from movement in the right direction. Inertia, baby.
At the end of the day, all of fitness goals have a ton of commonality. Reaching them require a lifestyle change. It’s a commitment to oneself to behave differently over the remaining days of our life. The most critical step of this staircase is the first one.
bill says
Use the internet and educate yourself. Knowledge is power. Never quit! The only way you can fail is if you stop trying. It’s a long journey, one day at a time. Become a healthier person every day. You CAN do it!
Bryan says
Look at the ways you were able to lose the weight the last few times. What worked well for you? What didn’t work well for you? What prevented you from maintaining? If you were eating in such a high caloric deficiency, your body probably didn’t like it, causing you to feel week and sluggish (under-fed). This isn’t a race, take your time with it. If you were able to lose X amount of lbs in Y weeks, you lost Z lbs per week. If you multiple Y by 2 or 3, reducing Z lbs per week, you won’t be losing as fast, but you will still be making progress. Those are the short-term goals to work for. Losing 5lbs in 2 weeks is much more attainable than 5lbs in 1 week, and more often than not, it will be maintainable. Rapid weight change rarely leads to long-term success.
Jack says
“It’s a commitment to oneself to behave differently over the remaining days of our life” – so true. In college I gave myself the excuse of “I’m too busy” for why I easily and frequently resorted to fast food and takeout. I never let it get too out of hand, but it definitely made me carry around a lot of unnecessary extra weight. In that state I naturally felt less compelled to exercise and it also adversely affected my self confidence. Over the last few years I gradually shed about 35 lbs by cutting out a lot of processed food and making it my responsibility to understand what I’m eating – both nutritionally and calorically. Right now I’m in the healthiest state of my life, and it feels so gratifying that I very rarely even want to have a cheat meal. Positive momentum.
slappythefishman says
To the Dallas based reader,
First I want to say what a brave and noble message. Your passion for self-improvement is inspirational and in and of itself a clear indication that you have not accepted that this is the way it has to be.
The most important thing you can do is altering the way you are thinking about this journey. Rather than thinking about this as a battle between overweight and skinny (two words plagued by social stigma, innuendo and judgment) make it a personal migration to an overall healthier version of
yourself.
The second thing you should focus on is the good in you and make this the focus of your journey. Try not to start this journey because you want to look good at the beach or the doctor told you need to lose weight. Those are all external motivations that will fade over time. Make this journey about yourself, you want to do this because there is good in you, you are of value and you are worth the effort.
One more important thing to do is enjoy the journey. There is no end game, no ideal weight, no
final plateau for healthiness, accept that this will be a lifelong process. Enjoy the effort required to improve oneself. Relish and learn from the results be they positive or negative.
Eric says
I know where this guy is at, I just turn 40, and about 3 years ago I was the heaviest weight of my life. I was very unhealthy, sick all the time, and just plain rundown. Over the last 3 years I managed to shed 70 lbs by incorporating portion control, not eating processed food and other junk. At first, I wanted the quick win, I wanted to start the race and finish before it started. I too was playing the weight game, down 5 up 10. I finally realized that slow and steady wins the race, I stopped thinking about the finish line and started working on mile markers, 2 here, one there, maybe 2 steps back, but I continued to move forward. It was then it became clear that “dieting” is not temporary, it’s a long term lifestyle change. Not only did my lifestyle had to change, but I also needed to remove the crap from the kitchen for my children, or else they will end up on the same path I was headed. I couldn’t do that to them or me, I wasn’t getting any younger and I sure was going to die much sooner if I didn’t make that change. Here I am 1 year later after losing 70 lbs, in the best shape of my life, making better eating choices. I have recently adopted a Paleo lifestyle as a blueprint to incorporate more healthy fats, veggies/fruits and lean proteins. I want to wish your reader the best of luck on his journey, I know he came to the right place for some assistance, however, it’s entirely up to him to make the choice. Fall Seven Times, Stand Up 8.
John Lofflin says
Emphasis on awareness is critical. Noticing what you eat, how you feel, what you are doing — just plain paying attention — seems to me, and I’ve been on the same journey, to be the key. Noticing the new notch on your belt. Noticing when you’re eating out of a bag. Noticing when you are full but your plate isn’t clean. Knowledge is power. Awareness is the most important knowledge. The ideas and attitude, the core of this blog, has helped keep me strong on this journey and looking forward happily to the season. See ball, hit ball; see good food, eat good food.
gavin says
Hey Dallas-Based, I could go by that name also. Gabe and some of his most reliables have already sent knowledge. The only thing I can offer on top is a person to hold you accountable. A KL brother. Can you bust my ass every time I dig out the ice cream? We’ll conquer once and for all. Maybe Stephanie can arrange a contact if your game. Whatever your decision, overcome. Then help the next person do it.
Stephanie St Amour says
So awed to be part of the community here. It’s beyond inspiring. Such a strong offer, Gavin.
gavin says
Thank you, Stephanie. I believe KL protocol is to “come correct.” But seriously, for the love of God, could somebody please just hide the damn Blue Bell???
Brian says
You came to the right place. As a 40 year old dude who has lost weight and put it back on a few times I relate. I read this electronic rag every single day. Keeps my powder dry and awareness high. Helps me contemplate my internal motivations. I’ve never commented on here before, but I had to. You can do it man, you’ve done it before!!! Do it different. Do it better. God Bless. I’m pulling for you.
Tom says
I can relate with the Dallas reader as I’m also 42, but 215 lbs and 5’8. I joined 9 Rounds gym thinking that was it..good to go. One problem. …I had to actually do the work. My first workout was so intense that I didn’t go back for three months as that feeling of almost puking, fainting, etc was not one I was looking forward to. I had been in shape most of my life but let myself go the past six years. I was shocked at how hard it was too breathe. Bottom line I think as we get older we tend to let age become an acceptable excuse. Maybe are thought process is less about looking good for others as we are past the age of starting a family. We look around at others our age and realize most people are not in shape. I think also there is something to be said for starting a realistic plan that is set up for success and not failure. I know 9 Rounds is a great idea, but I think I was in over my head to jump into that intense of a workout which only left me feeling worse.
Hollie Hamilton says
Dear Dallas-based reader I’m right where you are at, I’m on the third step. Awareness is great! what gets me through each day is I’m a work in progress. I’m still climbing the staircase. Gabe challenged me with the same advice. I took it and I’ve never felt better. Read this blog it’s all here. I’ve learned more here than from the three nutritionists, countless health magazines. Was it hard at first yes! Anything worth it is hard. Then it got to be routine now, I can’t imagine how I used to make the choices I did. You are in the right place. Good luck!
Tom says
With Kaps theory of move it relates to a behavioral therapy that encourages “opposite action.” The reality is what your thinking and doing is not working, so in order to create change you have to do opposite of what your brain is telling you. Behaviors, or lack thereof such as exercise or eating well are learned, so the more you practice the more you learn. And isn’t that the overall goal? Keep fighting the good fight!