If you need a quick and easy way to feel healthier, try saying thank you.

My ex-wife Lisa and I had a Carl’s Jr. fixation as teenagers. She’d grab a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and crisscut fries. I was all about the Santé Fe Chicken Sandwich (funny what passed as healthy back then). We’d approach the window in her black Nissan Sentra with the dent in the bumper, and I’d do the ordering. With all the charm of a cocky teenage boy, I laid out my list of demands. Her death glare came as I wrapped up my less than humble request. “You didn’t say thank you,” Lisa would say.

She went on to explain her position many times throughout 1993 until it finally sank in for me. I began to articulate my appreciation regularly. My grandfather isn’t sold. He believes being overly thankful to folks doing a job for you gives away the upper hand. I disagree with him. Saying thank you to others is an important part of caring for yourself. From berkeley.edu:

Recently scientists have begun to chart a course of research aimed at understanding gratitude and the circumstances in which it flourishes or diminishes. They’re finding that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits:

• Stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure
• Higher levels of positive emotions;
• More joy, optimism, and happiness;
• Acting with more generosity and compassion;
• Feeling less lonely and isolated.

We can all use those benefits in our lives. It’s not just about manners. Gratitude makes others feel respected. It is a give and take that makes the world a more negotiable space. Saying thank you makes folks want to continue to help you because they feel valued. It is a sensational motivator. A 2010 study set out to prove it. From psychcentral.com:

In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.

The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.

As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.

I don’t mean to suggest that we should be disingenuous. Thanking folks for less than stellar effort is easy to sniff out and smacks of manipulation. I make sure that I express my appreciation with an accurate correlation to the work or help someone has provided. As we head toward the Thanksgiving holiday, exercise this muscle. Write down 2 or 3 things you feel grateful for every morning. From the New York Times:

Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners.

Gratitude for others creates an atmosphere of positive vibes and optimizes taking care of ourselves. Here at Kaplifestyle, we always try to check both boxes.

I appreciate you reading.

Damn, that felt good.

Kap