Young men and women are in complete control of very few elements in their life. What they ingest is one of them.

We’re all aware of the childhood obesity issue in the United States. Independent of this as a concern for the moppets in our lives, we can unite in the desire for our country’s children to become more nutritionally aware. Manifesting that outcome is no easy task. Body dissatisfaction is a beast and a natural precursor to unhappiness. We don’t want to fuck with a child’s ability to develop self-esteem. Kids need guidance and suggestion around food, but they never benefit from judgment and feeling forced.

Dan, one of Kaplifestyle’s readers, hit me with this question:

“Gabe, what do you recommend for my 14-yo travel ball player? Often, he has two games to play on hot central CA days. Sometimes the games are back to back, sometimes they are 2-4 hours apart. What should he eat before we head to the field, and what about in between games?”

No disrespect, bur this is an impossible question for any rational human being to answer usefully without context. I needed more information. So, I did the logical thing and asked.

“What does he like to eat, Dan? Tell me what y’all do now and I’ll make some suggestions.”

I love this question. It is on the mind of countless parents. My elder son is 14, so I am supremely connected to this concept.

Here’s the rub, our kids decide what they eat, not us. We’d like to ensure they down their veggies, but candidly, we all know that we can’t force the issue. We might tell stories of being forced to sit at the dinner table until we ate our peas, but we’ll have better success comprehending the foods they do savor and modeling our own behavior to encourage them to follow suit.

Science backs this up. There have been numerous studies suggesting that attempting to make our children gobble our idea of the right foods at the ideal time is counterproductive.

From one such study published in Health Education Research:

The present study compared the modeling and control theories of parental influence on children’s eating attitudes and behavior with a focus on snack foods. Matched questionnaires describing reported snack intake, eating motivations and body dissatisfaction were completed by 112 parent/child pairs. Parents completed additional items relating to control in terms of attempts to control their child’s food intake and using food as a tool for controlling behavior.

Basically, one group is saying “do as I say,” the other is saying “follow me, I’ll lead the way.” Boo ya, this is leadership 101.

Continued:

The results showed significant correlations between parent and child for reported snack intake, eating motivations and body dissatisfaction, indicating an important role for modeling. Parents were then divided according to their control scores. Children whose parents indicated greater attempts to control their child’s diets reported higher intakes of both healthy and unhealthy snack foods.

In other words, children who felt bullied or guilt tripped were less inspired to make smart choices about their consumption. It isn’t a stretch to think that the unhealthy snack food intake was a flailing attempt to regain control over a small area of their lives.

More:

In addition, those children whose parents indicated a greater use of food as a means to control their child’s behavior reported higher levels of body dissatisfaction. The results provide some support for both the modeling and control theories of parental influence. However, whereas modeling appears to have a consistent impact, parental control has a differential impact depending upon whether this control is focused on the child’s diet or on other aspects of their behavior. To conclude, a positive parental role model may be a better method for improving a child’s diet than attempts at dietary control.

Let’s discuss how we can incorporate this into our daily lives. My 14 year old is a quarterback of his football team, and he’s enjoying his summer as he prepares for his freshman year of high school. Like a normal, healthy teenager, he likes to sleep until he feels ready to wake up, usually around 10. Perhaps not so typically for a football player, he chooses not to eat for the first few hours of his day.

Today, I prepared his first meal at 1:00pm (before his 2:00pm practice). I scrambled 3 eggs with pork and potatoes. While he enjoyed the meal, I sat with him and made a suggestion.

“Chase,” I began, “If your goal is to get strong for the season, you’ll want to eat your first meal closer to the time you wake up. It’s more difficult to build lean muscle tissue if you’re eating two meals a day. Obviously, I can’t and don’t want to force you, but I need to keep dropping reminders.”

Chase understood, but my words aren’t the key factor. That boy witnesses me scarfing healthy foods constantly. He sees my body perform admirably for me. His own vessel’s computer is constantly, subconsciously, taking note. He respects my ability to maximize my athletic capability and will eventually follow suit. I certainly cannot make that day come before it’s ready. If he fasts every day this week, that will be his prerogative.

My job as a father is to educate. The conversations around nutrition happen with regularity, but they flow naturally through my modeling. These conversations mostly consist of me asking my boys tons of questions and then (and here’s the important part) closing my mouth to listen. I want to know what forms of nourishment make them tick. When I have that answer, I can put those foods in front of them with regularity. I learn when they’re hungry and when they’re likely to crash, so I plan accordingly.

I don’t decide what my men eat. When I advise, I offer the same simple concepts to them that I offer to you - whole fruits and veggies, with animal proteins in balance.

Let’s go back to Dan, who inspired this conversation.

Brother, my suggestion for you regarding your 14 year old travel ball player is complicated, but you’ll only need to do this once. On the day of his next game, go to the grocery store and have the following foods prepared and waiting for him when he wakes up on the table: eggs, steak, chicken, salmon, berries, apples, bananas, oranges, melon, sweet potatoes, russet potatoes, oats, beans, walnuts, almonds and pecans. Take the time to season the meats and make the presentation look attractive.

Now, just observe him. What does he gravitate towards? What does he devour? What does he pick at? What doesn’t he touch?

Take note, grab some foil and lunch bags, and throw the food that he loved in them. Then hand him another portion between games. He’ll either eat it or he won’t, but it won’t be your call.

For subsequent games, repeat with his favorite foods.

Don’t make concessions, simply make suggestions. Then get the hell out of the way, and let him be in control.

Hope this helps,

Kap