One of the most important skills we can develop as professionals is the ability to network. It is a skill I didn’t appropriately value until late in my career. When I had an opportunity to share my thoughts on the subject with my sons, I leapt at the opportunity.

My older son, Chase, told me he couldn’t lift yesterday after school because he didn’t have access to his high school’s weight room facility. I hated to hear that. It’s hard enough to get a 15 year old young man to commit to his training program. Provide an easy out and he just might take it.

During breakfast, we (by we, I mean I) sat down to solve the problem. Certainly, a quick phone call to the athletic director of the school to request that he help my son would have worked. Instead, I elected a much more difficult, but more rewarding and instructive, path.

“Chase, why don’t you reach out to your strength coach and ask about gaining access to the workout facility?”

“He won’t know”

I followed up with question after question about who he could talk to and how and got similar pushback each time. Finally, I asked him to get his computer and bring it to the kitchen table. Together, we crafted an email to his athletic director. This process was uncomfortable for Chase, and he openly conveyed that sentiment. He asked why to every line I suggested.

I encourage that behavior. I never want him to take action without a reason. If he doesn’t initially have one, I expect that he ask for it. He knows that.

Eventually, we got through the email. He was frustrated and upset, but we made it.

After that email was off, I sent another one to Chase with some lessons from the interaction. I copied my other son on the note. Here is what I sent:

Chase,

I’m sorry this morning was frustrating for you. Rest assured, I have your best interests in my heart at all times. 22 is copied on this note because the information contained will be valuable for him, too.

Developing a strong network of contacts is valuable in business – and your life is a business. My goal is to help you learn to develop mutually beneficial working arrangements. Networking is about making connections and building enduring relationships.

Why is this so important? Relationships are the catalyst for success. People do business with those they like and trust. Serve as a resource, help others succeed. To succeed you must continually connect with new people, cultivate emerging relationships and leverage your network.

Knowledge is power. When you don’t know the answer to a question, having an expansive list of who to ask is immeasurably valuable. An example from my own life:

People ask me all the time about a player’s makeup. Is that guy a winner? Do you want them in a clubhouse? Most of the time, I don’t know the player – but I know someone who does. I can find the answers through asking others. If my list isn’t exceptionally expansive, it will take me much longer to find the answers to my questions. I don’t have time to fuck around. I need to move quickly. Days are short.

I know it was difficult to write that email. Written communication via email has become critical in business in recent years. We can digest the information at an appropriate time, and then compile it with new data as it rolls in.

Correct grammar and good formatting in your emails matters. It’s very similar to manners. When the receiver of a note knows you put time, energy and care into it, they are more likely to respond affirmatively and favorably. It’s very similar saying “please” and “thank you.” The world just works better with care.

I’m fully aware that this may not resonate with you now. In fact, most of it may not ever. However, I’m confident that the right message will sink in at the right time. I’ll keep working diligently to teach you what I’ve learned. I’ll also keep my ears open for what you have to teach me.

Keep asking “why?”

I love you passionately,

Dad

I said that this post was about networking, and it is. However, there’s a larger takeaway. Resourcefulness is an attribute we should cultivate not only in our children, but in ourselves.

When Chase found the weight room locked, he had options.

1. He could have immediately gone to the office and asked everyone who would talk to him for access
2. He could have done a bodyweight workout outside
3. He could have used the school’s phone to call me. I would have gladly gotten him a pass to work out at the gym less than a mile from our home.

I could go on and on, but this isn’t about what options he had in the moment. It’s about the default setting of mining said options instead of taking the easy way out. Like Chase, I could have taken the easy way out and fixed the issue for him. It would have undoubtedly been more pleasant than the rough conversation we had. But I chose to work with the process and model this lesson. I love Chase too much to do otherwise. Teaching our children how to be resourceful and solve issues, even when it’s tough, is unequivocally worth the effort. It’s far more valuable to them than doing the work for them.

Resourcefulness is all about execution, about finding a solution instead of giving up at the first roadblock life throws at you. Success cannot be obtained by being passive in the face of circumstances. The best ideas and intentions mean little if, at the end of the day, you don’t see them through.

Kap