I have a dream, and it’s unrelated to race or gender equality. It’s not about peace in the Middle East, and it has nothing to do with anything philanthropic. I want chickens. Lots of them. I want to eat freshly laid eggs every morning, and I want to make chicken soup. I will have a chicken coop. Book it.

If you’ve been perusing the blog for long enough, you know I fantasize about becoming a farmer/hunter/gatherer. I live in Malibu, California, a community known for its proximity to the ocean. My home is nestled into the Santa Monica mountains where all sorts of wildlife from deer to squirrel, from rabbits to mountain lions roam. If I ever found myself living naturally in this environment, there is no question I’d be feasting on these animals. For now, however, I’m down to raise some domestic birds. Here’s why:

By building a chicken coop, you’ll be able to raise chickens and harvest their eggs or meat. Their droppings can also be used as fertilizer or be sold off as such. Below, we’ll be looking through some of the mandatory steps for building yourself a coop.

Selling their droppings sounds interesting. I’ll be taking suggestions for names of my chicken shit company…any ideas? We can come back to this one.

Seriously, I’m in it for the eggs. My son Chase recently joked with me, “Dad, you mention eggs in your blog more than you mention Dane (my younger son) and I.”

Chase, are you full of Omega-3s and Vitamin A? Do you change the pattern of LDL particles from small, dense LDL (bad) to large LDL, which is linked to a reduced heart disease risk? Do you look beautiful in a frying pan sprinkled with coarse sea salt? Exactly.

All eggs are not created equal, even when you buy the expensive ones. From simplebites.net:

Your “free-range egg” chickens are really spending their lives indoors in a ventilated area and will not have the nutrient levels as described above. If you’re buying “vegetarian-fed eggs”, this is a sure sign that they do not have access to pasture as real chickens are not vegetarians.

In my dream, the chickens are all over my land, eating bugs. They can recycle my kitchen scraps and devour weeds out of my garden. In their downtime, they pose for Instagram photos. I may even buy one of those glove/wrist guard thingys that those creepy dudes use for falcons and other birds of prey. They cheese it up with hawks; I’ll do it with yardbirds. They (the chickens) become part of the family until they give their lives for rich, buttery chicken stock, but not before they lay lots of delectable eggs.

So how do we do this coop thing? I have no clue, but someone does. See, I found you a manual.

Strong mind,

Kap